If you have adult children living at home with you, you are bound to face more challenges. Children above 16 can be regarded as grown. This is because most children at this age already like to insist on making important decisions themselves. This of course is what births disrespect and rancour in relating with children like this. Adult children from 20 and above often get into arguments and confrontations with their parents depending on the circumstances. However, this can be overcomed.
Getting your adult children under control can be a difficult task but it is possible. You need to get over the initial obstacles and barriers to achieving this. Effective comunication between parents and children no matter their age, can help prevent disrespect or rancour.
Toddler tantrums and teen struggles are struggles parents face too in the development stage. There are tips and popular resources available for every stage of parenting to parent adult children.
There are several ways to navigate the challenge of raising your adult children. When Your Children Become Adults, they live in a very different world. They mature differently and they have new definitions of adulthood emerge.
Children begin to show traits of emerging adulthood from their Late Teens Through the Twenties. There’s a kind of distinction between adolescence and adulthood. Life for a 20-year-old adult child looks totally different than that of a 30- or 40-year-old adult child.
Most young adults in their 20s, finish college or attend other higher institutions at this age. Adults in their 20s, apply to graduate school for their advanced degrees. Many start to work or look for jobs at this stage, some start dating, exploring and discovering themselves, as well as defining career and life success.
In their 30s, most adults work towards building and developing their careers, many switch to longer-term dating, marriage, or cohabitation. Some change locations, others buy a home, and start a family. Most people in their 40s, have a more stable and focused career some a career change, most also focus on raising children, and caring for their immediate family.
Adult children have the tendency to be disrespectful. This is because sometimes they secretly battle low self-esteem, and sometimes see their parents as stumbling block to their progress or success
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Adult children are often resistant and rebellious to their parents because they feel that their freedom is threatened. Sometimes adult children misbehave and become disrespectful because instead of holding themselves to account for any failure or unfortunate circumstances, they find it easier to blame their parents.
Disrespectful Young Adults Are fond of emotional blackmail and threatening suicide or self-harm. They’re also fond of selective hearing and selective memory. These children constantly remind their parents of their mistakes as parents. They take their parents’ things without consent, they have a strong entitlement spirit and they go defensive whenever they’re refused what they want.
Having disrespectful adult children isn’t as a result of being bad parents. Even parents who’ve “done everything right” have disrespectful adult children.
How to deal with disrespectful Adult children
As much as you love your children regardless of their age, pampering them or overlooking their acts of disrespect will not do anyone any good. It is better to let them know whenever they’re wrong. Other tips to deal with disrespectful adult children includes:
Put in efforts to stop them from being disrespectful
Parents can help their children grow by setting boundaries and reasonable rules for their adult children. Some examples of rules to give to your adult children includes:
–Cleaning up after meals and after using any part of the house.
–Using only respectful language and tone at all times.
–Buying their own food, toiletries, and detergent, etc.
Discourage their entitlement spirit and the desire to take advantage of you or manipulate you at every chance they get
By sitting down to talk to them about what you’re willing and not willing to do for them, you can help them become disciplined.
Give them a deadline for moving out and living like an adult
It is important to always let your adult children know they won’t always have someone to take care of them. And they can’t continue to live a dependent life. Their dependence on you, holds them back from being reasonable and it gives them the avenue to be disrespectful.
Get over low self-esteem or feelings of not being capable as a parent
If you as a parent are struggling with low self-esteem and feelings of not being capable or good enough, you may have a lot of challenges dealing with your adult children. It is expedient to get over every feeling of low self-esteem you’re struggling with as a parent, this will help you effectively deal with your disrespectful adult children.
Recognize and respect your differences
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Parents should learn to accept and celebrate the uniqueness and differences of their children. Both parties may not always agree with each other’s life choices, but as children grow independent, it is advisable for their parents to find joy in connecting with them without conflict.
Be constructive with your criticism and don’t often criticize your Adult Children
As parents, you can share your wisdom, ideas and insight without being critical. This is because your children are different from you, in temperament and in response to different situations. Your children may shut you out completely, if you’re insensitive and often always comparing them with others. By learning how to communicate with your adult children you’re able to build a perfect bond with them.
Play together
If there are activities you often do together as a family, perhaps shopping, farming, or seeing a movie together, keep it up. Don’t stop doing these things even when they have become adults. You may even discover new things you love, you should commit to enjoying these things together on a regular basis.
Accept your Adult children’s partners
It is important to accept your adult children’s partners. If you don’t accept them and make room for them, It may be difficult to enjoy a good relationship with your children. You need to be open-minded and considerate as you meet your children’s partners. Accept them without being too pushy or critical. By this you’re giving your children the ability to live their own lives and you are telling them you trust them.
Be approachable as a parent
Always create a conducive atmosphere for your children. Even if you don’t agree with All of their choices and way of life, keep the lines of communication open. Do not judge them or Blame them for mistakes. Instead use wisdom in passing your message across to them. Hold family meetings regularly. If you’ve fostered open communication throughout your child’s life, regular family meetings will feel much more natural, says Dr. Richard Horowitz of Growing Great Relationships. Regular family meetings allow good communication and also makes it easier to process hard things together.
Always look for opportunities to foster a healthier relationship than you had in the past, now that the dynamics of authority may have shifted. Try to find common interests with your children.
Be committed to pursuing a relationship with your adult children, this will help you recognize them more and also help you become closer to them.
In the rare cases of adult children with special needs, it may take a longer period before the adult child transitions to independence. In cases such as this parents must be patient enough, tolerating the adult children’s excesses and shortcomings. Adult children of emotionally immature parents are also tough to handle. This is because immaturity affects both parents and children. Parents in this situation must grow and put in measurable efforts to become better at managing their emotions.
Adult children of divorce are also special and need to be treated with extra care. Children who go through divorce generally have a lot on their plates. Hence they can’t be treated like every other person. They need patience and love, even when they’re not the best of children.
It is normal to feel either pleased or conflicted about your children becoming adults. However you have no choice than to embrace your adult child’s independence and enter into a new phase of parenthood.